Sex and Violence

Please don't condemn my beliefs and practices. in other words, "don't judge me".  This is the moral battle cry in our American society and it is spreading all over the world.

I just met a young man at a retail outlet, maybe 25 or 30 years old, where we engaged in a very lively discussion about life, work, marriage, race, sex and community.  (I often have deep conversations with strangers!) He hopes to be successful in the photography and video editing business and he understands deeply the power of effective marketing because he seems to easily grasp human nature.  He explained to me that when a YouTube video channel is all about sex and violence, then it is no longer shocking or engaging.  However, when you strategically include sex and violence, then you build a brand that is powerfully engaging.  This is somewhat an over simplification of part of our discussion, but it was definitely a part our almost 30 minute conversation.

Now, as a Christian, I really don't want to fill my mind and heart with sex and violence, stragegically placed or not.  For me, sexual and violent content - especially gratuitously placed, doesn't do anything to help me grow as a husband, father, man of God, neighbor, employee or anything else.  However, the gentleman I met has great potential to be very successful in his dream, including the strategic use of sex and violence in his future photographs and videos.  Why do we differ? My moral compass is determined by my best attempt at understanding the teachings of Jesus and the apostles but his moral compass seems to be the same as the average american: based on a sense of perceived/felt right and wrong, unconsciously derived from a loosely agreed to standards by the population.

For most people, the standard for right and wrong seem to be based on a statistically normal set of beliefs and values. Ideas and words that would be considered positive that reflect this unconscious standard are progressive, enlightened, flexible, humanistic, humanitarian, tolerant, understanding, broad-minded, receptive, unbiased, unbigoted, unprejudiced and of course open-minded. Values or traits such as intelligent, advanced, reasonable and even rational fit into this standard.

Some Christian theology and the practices can be considered intolerant, bigoted, arrogant, and generally the opposite of these ideas.  For example, to believe that one should resist and not fulfill certain desires could be considered bad or wrong. As a specific example, the theology of salvation - called soteriology - may teach that there really is a literal spiritual realm which includes Heaven and Hell, angels and demons, and other unseen forces.  In addition, Christian theology may also teach that after we physically die, our spiritual essence or our conscious spirit end up in heaven or hell for all of eternity.  This is an undesirable idea for most so many my avoid discussing it in order to help others avoid discussing the undesirable possibility of dying and ending up in Hell.  This belief (theology) and resulting practice would be wrong in an American value system as described above - allowed, but wrong.  The allowed belief is understandably not warmly embraced.  After all, who wants to be told that "unless you repent, you too will perish [ultimately in hell]" (Luke 13:3,5).  I know I don't.

Like my new friend, most people accept the idea of determining right and wrong based on popular opinion.  Thus, we will defend another's right to create and view violent and overly sexulaized images, videos, music, poetry, etc.  For many, it's good to even practice certain behavior as long as it's consensual and no one gets physically or emotionally hurt.  The HBO fantasy series, Game of Thrones, apparently has been accused of having such content, but the show is watched by between 8 and 10 million fans. One of the "right and good" message based on the normalized value system is this:  If you don't like it, don't watch it.

Restricting ones behavior, for example, by avoiding profanity, sex outside of marriage, marriage between an unrelated man and woman is not very popular nor is it easy. Leaning to stop lying and stealing, ensuring that we honestly pay taxes, obey the speed limit or even put in a full eight-hours of work for a full eight-hours of pay is not always embraced by individual people, including my new friend.   Our basic cultural values seem to be something like this: As long as another person is not overtly hurt, anything goes!  However, what is the real cost of living like this?

I know that I have been deceived and enticed by my own undisciplined desire to watch television shows and movies that are filled with sexual and violent content.   The fact is, even as adults, we are actually influenced by what we read, watch, listen to and otherwise experience.  The tantalizing images and topics that include strategic or overt depictions of sex and violence negatively influenced my ability to actually be strategic and disciplined in areas that really count - my marriage and family, my ability to help others, my faith, my business and professional skills and my personal financial and economic growth.  There are always exceptions, but the vast majority of people will not reach the top of any field or profession by flooding their minds with sex, violence, profanity, lying, cheating, greed, selfish desires, lust for power, lust for pleasure and the like.

Using income as an example, of the 125 million or so families in the United States (using 2016 cesus numbers), the average household income is about $52,000 annually.  However, the top 10% earn about $300,000 annually.  However, even more extreme is net worth - the top 5% have a net worth of about 2 million, while the average is a bout $300,000. The fact is, the top 5% or 1% of wealth builders do NOT watch television, do not listen to the news, and do not lie, cheat or steal.  Generally the wealthy get wealthy and stay wealthy by avoiding the tantalizing images and influences that are primarily based on greed, pleasure and power.  Thus they live below their means, drive an older but late model car, stay married to the same person, and live in a typical plane-jane suburban home - nothing fancy.  (Check out the Book, The Millionaire Next Door).

The sad truth is that overtly sexualized content coupled with violence and other tantalizing things simply does not work.  Moderation and self-control must be practiced, as it is written, "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise," (Eph 5:15).

Personally, I know I have a very long way to go and getting rid of the images and replacing it with what is godly.  I must learn to be a disciplined person, exercising self-control in the various areas of my life including what I eat, how I take care of my self, my family, and my responsibilities, and what I watch and listen to.  Knowing the principles and the things that should be done doesn't make anyone able to actually do them.  It is difficult, otherwise, everyone would do them. So then, starting with yourself (as I must start with myself), don't let the lies of the movies, the music, the television, and the natural selfish desires for pleasure, riches and power and the tantalizing allure of overtly sexualized and violent entertainment as well as the news media deceive you.  What goes in our minds and hearts is what will come out.  Don't be ignorant but be wise.  This is definitely one of my life goals.  I hope my new friend will also figure this out before he is successful and making and publishing still photos and images along with well-edited video (assuming he will become successful) because adding more of the strategically placed sex and violence based material doesn't help anyone in the long run.